I have just finished reading “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini. Mesmerizing, familiar in terms of names and traditions, it captures the intricacies of human behavior and relationships. I am always amazed at a human being’s power to endure, to go on living, to survive beyond all odds, to forgive and the amazing capacity to love.
I find myself always drawn to books – fiction and non-fiction – that tell a story of another’s suffering, and how they sometimes overcome it and sometimes don’t. But the weaving of these stories in which people are shaped and changed forever, where hopes and dreams are dashed in some and in others where they are lived beyond their wildest imaginations, where they have overcome insurmountable barriers to make a life for themselves, like the ones they have always wanted – these stories capture my attention and I am hooked – I find myself always intrigued by the fact that we are capable of so much and yet we doubt ourselves every step of the way.
I am strengthened by these stories; I am alive in their lives, their tears, their laughter and their relationships. I learn forgiveness, I learn of unconditional love and I learn of the brilliance and tenderness of the minds that have scripted these stories and woven them in these little intricate threads of words, like glimmering necklaces that you cannot help but stare at and want to touch and be a part of.
I am amazed at how much sorrow a heart can bear, how much pain a life can endure, how much silence a tortured soul can suffer – with just a glimmer of hope. Hope for the future, hope for love, hope for a family, hope for children. I always find it interesting that in these stories as in real life, when all is said and done, one soul / human searches for that lasting happiness in another human relationship and not the “need” for money, wealth, fame or glamour – they are kept alive with the hope of being reunited with their loved ones, or the hope of creating something that would bring joy to others instead of the sorrow they have suffered. It is all we have – each other.
I am kept alive each day with the memories of my family who live a world away yet they live in my heart and in my soul and are always so alive in me. I keep them alive by talking to them, about them, sharing stories about them, remembering the way my mother smells when I snuggle up to her, the way she throws her loving arms around me and gathers me close to her chest – that place from which unconditional love flows, her perfect teeth when she smiles, her chuckling laughter and her amazing wisdom and patience.
I hang on to the memories of my father – the best daddy a girl could ask for – always cracking jokes that we have memorized way better than anything else, his jokes that always find their way into every single conversation my family ever has, it is his way of never being too far away from our thoughts, the way my father smiles at us and his very infectious laughter that makes us want to laugh with him, the way he used to play with us, take care of us, carry us in his arms when we were little, dance with us as we grew older, how he loves to read and stays up all night reading ( I get this from him and so does my sister), how he rides his bicycle to the market even till this day after surviving 3 heart attacks, how he used to ring his bell and we would come flying out of the house to see him. Every time I call home, there is a new joke and a new wave of lovely laughter I share with my dad.
My sister and I have a bond that is made in heaven and will last for all eternity. We are one. Words fail to describe what she means to me and how life’s twists and turns are easier to deal with knowing I have her there – one who is flesh and blood and soul to my soul. I describe no further for fear that tears will course down my cheeks steadily into the wee hours of the morning and i will be left with an aching soul for my dear family.
And yet, I am here in the United States, so far away from them physically, letting life takes its course, growing up and moving forward, and learning the art of keeping those I love the most alive, by honoring them in thought, word and deed, by loving them with all my heart, my taking risks and living life, by feeling the rainbow of emotions one feels in such situations and learning to still live through it all, like the characters in the stories I read and like the family I so cherish.
I am learning.
