I am wandering in the labyrinth of my thoughts today, contemplating my life and its nuances, exploring it through the eyes of the fiction that I am currently reading, losing myself in the dimmed hallways within the dark recesses of my mind, trying to make some sense of the feelings that course through my soul.
Always on the move mentally, I look ardently to find clues to myself, perhaps hidden behind some imaginary boulder, or in the nook of a branch in a favorite tree I used to climb up and read it, or even perhaps in between the lines of the novel I hold in my hand.
This combing of my soul has long been overdue and I had allowed myself to be buoyed along by life’s events in the near past – coming back to America to pursue a lifelong dream, the ensuing relationship, life outside of that relationship, the lengthy road of embarking on a discovery journey of oneself through marriage, gaining of a job, losing of another, taking trips to ease the complexities of one’s daily routine, searching, searching, always searching.
This feeling of being trapped, or being helpless creeps up on one if one allows themselves to slowly lose touch with the reality that within each of us exists a deep power – a power to change anything we want. This gets cluttered. Being a wanderer both in reality and in the abstract sense, in my thoughts, I tend to, after a short period of time, feel like I have painted myself into a corner, and need to find ways to explore beyond the bounds of what has been thrust on me, to be the boundaries of my life at the time.
It is this restlessness, this wanderlust approach that has taken me to places I would never have been before on my own or to experience life in a way that I would not have considered before. All around me, I see and smell and taste the same sense of urgency in others to find oneself – to take control of one’s life in any way possible, to give one’s life meaning, to make sense of what the purpose is for each of us in our own individualistic and unique way. All around me, I see people find within themselves that inherent power we are born with, and use that power to take baby or giant steps into the future – a future that they feel deep within is better than their present.
I am wandering today…sometimes skipping through the small paths that hold happy memories, and at others slowing down to a crawl, almost reverently, examining the contents of the containers that may hold some little, sliver of a clue as to what and where my path could lead.
I am wandering within my thoughts 🙂
